Well, I'll be the first to admit that I have "blamed it on the alcohol" several times after doing stuff I shouldn't have done. If you've ever been intoxicated, you know that you have a little more "courage" to do things you wouldn't necessarily do while you were sober. While I won't go into the "scientic specifics" of it, I will say that until the other night I did think that this was a pretty good excuse, although we are warned about getting drunk; and this is more than likely why.
Well, I'm a fan of occasional drinking, I'll admit that too. But everyone knows (that's every been intoxicated) that one of the things more likely to happen under the influence is that desire to have sex. I remember with my second child, this was my excuse (you'll see why I say excuse in a minute) because I'd had several beers that night; up until that point the guy and I had never shared any type of intimacy besides a few kisses. So, of course when I gave in to the temptations of sex after being a little "buzzed" I blamed it on that.
WEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...God has officially proven Himself faithful to the point where I can't even use this as an excuse. The other night, I decided to try a new drink and watch some comedies. All along though, I was kind of praying (drunk & praying, smh, I know) as I felt my alcohol slip up on me. See, the thing about me is that I like "girly" drinks; drinks that don't taste just like the alcohol, but that you can just drink like it's a juice or something. The downfall is that because it doesn't taste like alcohol, I drink it more quickly and then all of a sudden I'm a little..."happy." :)
This is what happened the other night; I began drinking and then started to feel my flesh rise. I began to talk to God in my head even more because I knew I wouldn't be able to fight it if I kept drinking. So the first thing I did was stopped drinking; I realized I'd had enough. Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit's guiding but anyway, I put the cup down. The I reminded God of His promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13 where He says that when we are tempted He will provide us a way out of that temptation. At first I thought, "Donna you're crazy." But then I just kept praying; I told God that even though I was drinking I didn't want to fall back on my commitment to Him- I didn't want to use being drunk as an excuse to have sex when I knew I shouldn't. My journey has reached it's 2 month mark and I'm too far to slip up now.
All I could remember was this one scripture, and I just kept praying that one scripture. By the time I got ready for bed, the desire had really left to have sex. I laid in bed and when asked, "Why not?" The response was, "I made a commitment." Those were the last words I remember, next thing I know, I'm waking up! All I could say was, "Thank you, Lord." Even in my drunken state, He heard me and He helped me escape. I think that this is quite the testimony for someone who has blamed sexual sin on alcohol for years now. Especially if I really wanted to do something, I'd just get drunk and use that as my safe haven.
So, now I know that from this day forth, "I was drunk" will not suffice. God will keep you pure if you want to be kept. I was worried that by co-habiting I would fall so much quicker, so all I can say is "BUT GOD!" He knows my desires; He knows I want to be faithful to Him. And honestly, I have much more peace within myself since I have stopped having sex. I've had more boldness as well. I'm not in ANY WAY condoning co-habition. The situation that I'm in will NOT be for long; trust me, I'm working on a way out. In the mean time though, I can't use the excuse that I live with a man an excuse to have sex, because it's not.
God is showing out in my life and I'm grateful. Do I expect you to believe that I live with someone and don't have sex with them? Do I expect you to believe that I actually drink and am able to still not fall into sexual sin? Well, I'll leave this with you: It's not me, it's the God in me. ME, would gladly have myself a good time, but the God in me convicted me far too much to continue to live that lifestyle of sexual sin. It's easier to say I''m a lie than to believe that the power of God can keep you pure if you want it to. Well, I want it to. God judges your heart and He moves upon that. I am believing that eventually we will either re-marry or God will remove me from the situation in due time, because I don't believe it is the will of God for us. I hope and pray that as you read this you will believe and say, "If God is doing that for her, He can do it for me." If you're reading in doubt; that's ok too. I pray the the spirit of wisdom and revelation will come upon you in the knowledge of Him in this area.
This blog is me, an open book of my feelings and my journey of abstinence. My only prayer and goal is to be an example to a generation that doesn't believe in purity and the sanctity of marriage anymore. To some of you- my life will be the only Bible that you read. I just want to be a living epistle that you read and say, "I can remain pure." NO EXCUSES!
#teamABSTINENCE...LET'S GO!
Psalm 119:9
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