I MEAN LITERALLY...."AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
I am totally screaming on the inside!!!!
I am much more calm than I was a few hours ago because I began on some homework and it took my mind off of my reality. I have the most wonderful news to tell, but I can't even share it really with you guys yet. I don't even know who to tell FIRST! I am most amazed because it is truly a promise of God that is being fulfilled.
For the last few days I have been praying in the Spirit, confessing my promises, and waring with the devil letting him know I was NOT giving up on what God has promised me. I'm so taken back all I can really do is laugh and praise God. God said if you decree a thing it shall be established, HIS Word will NOT return to Him void but it will accomplish but HE sent it to do! God told me how to pray concerning this issue and I'll be doggone if His Word hasn't come to pass!
When I stopped trying to do God's work for Him and simply started seeking only to just please HIM, HE showed up AND showed out!!! He is REALLY something else! We have to remain steadfast and faithful. I know what it feels like to just say, "God you're not faithful." I was there like just two months ago. I told God I would stop tithing and just do whatever I wanted to do. But something in me, just wouldn't let go. I mean, I just knew deep in the inside of me if I let go of God I had nothing else to hold on to. BUT GOD!!!!! I believe that all these things are lining up because now I am about my "Father's business" and willing to give up even the love of my life if need be.
See, God doesn't necessarily want to take those things away from you! He wants you to have the best but the best can't be first. And as good as this man is, my heart still had to honor God FIRST! His heart has to be first to you. You show Him who's first in your life by your actions. My youth pastor once told me, "Don't put God in a position to show you He's God." When I got to the place where God was first, then He lined up those desires of my heart. OMG I'm just so excited!!! It's like He's just blessing my socks off! I definitely will have a reason to shout in the morning, not like I needed one but I have more than one now! I can't wait to share it with you all!
GOD IS TRULY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#teamABSTINENCE...LET'S GO!!!
Psalm 119:9
*I PROMISE you, it's SOOOOO WORTH IT!*
Saturday, July 30, 2011
"I WAS DRUNK!"
Well, I'll be the first to admit that I have "blamed it on the alcohol" several times after doing stuff I shouldn't have done. If you've ever been intoxicated, you know that you have a little more "courage" to do things you wouldn't necessarily do while you were sober. While I won't go into the "scientic specifics" of it, I will say that until the other night I did think that this was a pretty good excuse, although we are warned about getting drunk; and this is more than likely why.
Well, I'm a fan of occasional drinking, I'll admit that too. But everyone knows (that's every been intoxicated) that one of the things more likely to happen under the influence is that desire to have sex. I remember with my second child, this was my excuse (you'll see why I say excuse in a minute) because I'd had several beers that night; up until that point the guy and I had never shared any type of intimacy besides a few kisses. So, of course when I gave in to the temptations of sex after being a little "buzzed" I blamed it on that.
WEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...God has officially proven Himself faithful to the point where I can't even use this as an excuse. The other night, I decided to try a new drink and watch some comedies. All along though, I was kind of praying (drunk & praying, smh, I know) as I felt my alcohol slip up on me. See, the thing about me is that I like "girly" drinks; drinks that don't taste just like the alcohol, but that you can just drink like it's a juice or something. The downfall is that because it doesn't taste like alcohol, I drink it more quickly and then all of a sudden I'm a little..."happy." :)
This is what happened the other night; I began drinking and then started to feel my flesh rise. I began to talk to God in my head even more because I knew I wouldn't be able to fight it if I kept drinking. So the first thing I did was stopped drinking; I realized I'd had enough. Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit's guiding but anyway, I put the cup down. The I reminded God of His promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13 where He says that when we are tempted He will provide us a way out of that temptation. At first I thought, "Donna you're crazy." But then I just kept praying; I told God that even though I was drinking I didn't want to fall back on my commitment to Him- I didn't want to use being drunk as an excuse to have sex when I knew I shouldn't. My journey has reached it's 2 month mark and I'm too far to slip up now.
All I could remember was this one scripture, and I just kept praying that one scripture. By the time I got ready for bed, the desire had really left to have sex. I laid in bed and when asked, "Why not?" The response was, "I made a commitment." Those were the last words I remember, next thing I know, I'm waking up! All I could say was, "Thank you, Lord." Even in my drunken state, He heard me and He helped me escape. I think that this is quite the testimony for someone who has blamed sexual sin on alcohol for years now. Especially if I really wanted to do something, I'd just get drunk and use that as my safe haven.
So, now I know that from this day forth, "I was drunk" will not suffice. God will keep you pure if you want to be kept. I was worried that by co-habiting I would fall so much quicker, so all I can say is "BUT GOD!" He knows my desires; He knows I want to be faithful to Him. And honestly, I have much more peace within myself since I have stopped having sex. I've had more boldness as well. I'm not in ANY WAY condoning co-habition. The situation that I'm in will NOT be for long; trust me, I'm working on a way out. In the mean time though, I can't use the excuse that I live with a man an excuse to have sex, because it's not.
God is showing out in my life and I'm grateful. Do I expect you to believe that I live with someone and don't have sex with them? Do I expect you to believe that I actually drink and am able to still not fall into sexual sin? Well, I'll leave this with you: It's not me, it's the God in me. ME, would gladly have myself a good time, but the God in me convicted me far too much to continue to live that lifestyle of sexual sin. It's easier to say I''m a lie than to believe that the power of God can keep you pure if you want it to. Well, I want it to. God judges your heart and He moves upon that. I am believing that eventually we will either re-marry or God will remove me from the situation in due time, because I don't believe it is the will of God for us. I hope and pray that as you read this you will believe and say, "If God is doing that for her, He can do it for me." If you're reading in doubt; that's ok too. I pray the the spirit of wisdom and revelation will come upon you in the knowledge of Him in this area.
This blog is me, an open book of my feelings and my journey of abstinence. My only prayer and goal is to be an example to a generation that doesn't believe in purity and the sanctity of marriage anymore. To some of you- my life will be the only Bible that you read. I just want to be a living epistle that you read and say, "I can remain pure." NO EXCUSES!
#teamABSTINENCE...LET'S GO!
Psalm 119:9
Well, I'm a fan of occasional drinking, I'll admit that too. But everyone knows (that's every been intoxicated) that one of the things more likely to happen under the influence is that desire to have sex. I remember with my second child, this was my excuse (you'll see why I say excuse in a minute) because I'd had several beers that night; up until that point the guy and I had never shared any type of intimacy besides a few kisses. So, of course when I gave in to the temptations of sex after being a little "buzzed" I blamed it on that.
WEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...God has officially proven Himself faithful to the point where I can't even use this as an excuse. The other night, I decided to try a new drink and watch some comedies. All along though, I was kind of praying (drunk & praying, smh, I know) as I felt my alcohol slip up on me. See, the thing about me is that I like "girly" drinks; drinks that don't taste just like the alcohol, but that you can just drink like it's a juice or something. The downfall is that because it doesn't taste like alcohol, I drink it more quickly and then all of a sudden I'm a little..."happy." :)
This is what happened the other night; I began drinking and then started to feel my flesh rise. I began to talk to God in my head even more because I knew I wouldn't be able to fight it if I kept drinking. So the first thing I did was stopped drinking; I realized I'd had enough. Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit's guiding but anyway, I put the cup down. The I reminded God of His promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13 where He says that when we are tempted He will provide us a way out of that temptation. At first I thought, "Donna you're crazy." But then I just kept praying; I told God that even though I was drinking I didn't want to fall back on my commitment to Him- I didn't want to use being drunk as an excuse to have sex when I knew I shouldn't. My journey has reached it's 2 month mark and I'm too far to slip up now.
All I could remember was this one scripture, and I just kept praying that one scripture. By the time I got ready for bed, the desire had really left to have sex. I laid in bed and when asked, "Why not?" The response was, "I made a commitment." Those were the last words I remember, next thing I know, I'm waking up! All I could say was, "Thank you, Lord." Even in my drunken state, He heard me and He helped me escape. I think that this is quite the testimony for someone who has blamed sexual sin on alcohol for years now. Especially if I really wanted to do something, I'd just get drunk and use that as my safe haven.
So, now I know that from this day forth, "I was drunk" will not suffice. God will keep you pure if you want to be kept. I was worried that by co-habiting I would fall so much quicker, so all I can say is "BUT GOD!" He knows my desires; He knows I want to be faithful to Him. And honestly, I have much more peace within myself since I have stopped having sex. I've had more boldness as well. I'm not in ANY WAY condoning co-habition. The situation that I'm in will NOT be for long; trust me, I'm working on a way out. In the mean time though, I can't use the excuse that I live with a man an excuse to have sex, because it's not.
God is showing out in my life and I'm grateful. Do I expect you to believe that I live with someone and don't have sex with them? Do I expect you to believe that I actually drink and am able to still not fall into sexual sin? Well, I'll leave this with you: It's not me, it's the God in me. ME, would gladly have myself a good time, but the God in me convicted me far too much to continue to live that lifestyle of sexual sin. It's easier to say I''m a lie than to believe that the power of God can keep you pure if you want it to. Well, I want it to. God judges your heart and He moves upon that. I am believing that eventually we will either re-marry or God will remove me from the situation in due time, because I don't believe it is the will of God for us. I hope and pray that as you read this you will believe and say, "If God is doing that for her, He can do it for me." If you're reading in doubt; that's ok too. I pray the the spirit of wisdom and revelation will come upon you in the knowledge of Him in this area.
This blog is me, an open book of my feelings and my journey of abstinence. My only prayer and goal is to be an example to a generation that doesn't believe in purity and the sanctity of marriage anymore. To some of you- my life will be the only Bible that you read. I just want to be a living epistle that you read and say, "I can remain pure." NO EXCUSES!
#teamABSTINENCE...LET'S GO!
Psalm 119:9
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I'M SOOOO EXCITED!
THINGS ARE REALLY, REALLY LINING UP!!! I am going full speed with these ideas and stepping out on faith and asking people to volunteer and be apart of this revolution! And people are agreeing!!! Things are lining up! This isn't just for me and I'm seeing it more and more.
I have to admit, the devil tried to come in my mind a little yesterday; I began to doubt myself and really wonder if what I was doing was flesh led or what. Good thing I went to service last night! Pastor spoke on prayer and how important it is in winning this battle.
And what other way will I be able to abstain from sex except through praying and trusting in the grace of God. Don't think it's just something so easy for me to throw away now! But I realize that there is a much bigger plan in this. Although it's something I would have never thought of on my own, God told me that He has heard the cry of many people from this city who are ready to change. So I know I'm not alone!
God judges your heart and that's what He deals with. He is turning the hearts of this city to purity. He is calling us to purity! I'm so excited that there's a bigger plan!!! And I know that with prayer and maybe fasting and just going full fledged into the enemy's camp that deliverance will come to this city. I know what it's like to be spiritual bound to people that you're having sex with; it's a consequence of sexual sin.
I was ashamed at one point to tell people that I couldn't own a store promoting sexual stuff yet tell them to abstain at the same time. It's kind of like me selling cigarettes to people and warning them of lung cancer. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm realizing more and more, I either have to be black or white. Either I'll compromise with the world, or stand with the Word. As my boyfriend told me, "You stand for something Donna or you'll fall for anything!"
Well, I'm standing and I believe that because of the obedience God will line things up. Matter of fact:
This is a testimony I can share. I have a job already lined up soon! Out of nowhere, the employer just "happened" to see my application from a previous year. I spoke with him today and he stated he'd reserve teh position just for me. When I'm ready, it's mine!
I call that favor!! Watch out now!!! God is up to something!!!
DKay
I have to admit, the devil tried to come in my mind a little yesterday; I began to doubt myself and really wonder if what I was doing was flesh led or what. Good thing I went to service last night! Pastor spoke on prayer and how important it is in winning this battle.
And what other way will I be able to abstain from sex except through praying and trusting in the grace of God. Don't think it's just something so easy for me to throw away now! But I realize that there is a much bigger plan in this. Although it's something I would have never thought of on my own, God told me that He has heard the cry of many people from this city who are ready to change. So I know I'm not alone!
God judges your heart and that's what He deals with. He is turning the hearts of this city to purity. He is calling us to purity! I'm so excited that there's a bigger plan!!! And I know that with prayer and maybe fasting and just going full fledged into the enemy's camp that deliverance will come to this city. I know what it's like to be spiritual bound to people that you're having sex with; it's a consequence of sexual sin.
I was ashamed at one point to tell people that I couldn't own a store promoting sexual stuff yet tell them to abstain at the same time. It's kind of like me selling cigarettes to people and warning them of lung cancer. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm realizing more and more, I either have to be black or white. Either I'll compromise with the world, or stand with the Word. As my boyfriend told me, "You stand for something Donna or you'll fall for anything!"
Well, I'm standing and I believe that because of the obedience God will line things up. Matter of fact:
This is a testimony I can share. I have a job already lined up soon! Out of nowhere, the employer just "happened" to see my application from a previous year. I spoke with him today and he stated he'd reserve teh position just for me. When I'm ready, it's mine!
I call that favor!! Watch out now!!! God is up to something!!!
DKay
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The BEGINNING
Well, I decided to do this journal because I actually suggested it during writing my book. Then I realized, maybe it'll help me too. I commited to this lifestyle May 29, 2011 after running from it for five months. You know how it is; you do something you really know is wrong but you keep doing it. Then sooner or later, it really doesn't bother you anymore. Well, except it did for me.
The reason for the blog though is to share with others that make the same decision I made. I believe that God is calling many people to purity in this season and I know that it's not just me. Many times we need an outlet when we're going through something. My journey is fresh and new; although I know that my mind is made up it still gets hard for me to believe the struggle I'm fighting.
Today, for a split second, I thought that maybe I was wrong and should just give up. But then I became mad at the fact that I know I shouldn't have to sleep with anyone who claims they love me just for them to stay with me. That's not love; not the kind of love I want anyway.
So anyway, this is my journey...and this is my journal through it!
The reason for the blog though is to share with others that make the same decision I made. I believe that God is calling many people to purity in this season and I know that it's not just me. Many times we need an outlet when we're going through something. My journey is fresh and new; although I know that my mind is made up it still gets hard for me to believe the struggle I'm fighting.
Today, for a split second, I thought that maybe I was wrong and should just give up. But then I became mad at the fact that I know I shouldn't have to sleep with anyone who claims they love me just for them to stay with me. That's not love; not the kind of love I want anyway.
So anyway, this is my journey...and this is my journal through it!
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